marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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