I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
