just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
