when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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