I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
