good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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