Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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