Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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