u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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