don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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