It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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