who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize