It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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