I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Life is so much better after having sex.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
