I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The air was thick with penises
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
