You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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