so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
birth control should be required to get into college
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize