...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
