3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
