today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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