you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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