smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
