Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
