If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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