My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
