Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
