I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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