If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
