in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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