Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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