I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
