Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
