my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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