well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
