At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Drake has all the answers
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
