i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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