guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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