after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
