it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
