I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
