oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
