Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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