Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize