I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
