Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize