I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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