Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You made out with two different species that night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
