So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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