At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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