Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
