i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
