just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
