So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
