4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
