two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
