My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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