I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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