Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
