Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
