My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
