No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i drank out of a bidet.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
