im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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