Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
