Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
