Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize