Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
