You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
