she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
