He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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