I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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