Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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