2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize