First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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