My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
