when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
