I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
