hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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