Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
