Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
